We've been
married a long time. 27 years, as of this writing. I can distinctly remember
when, as a newlywed, I wanted nothing more than to make it to our 21st
anniversary so that I could say I'd been married as long as I'd been single. Twenty-one
years seemed so far away, such an unimaginable length of time. And here we sit,
over a quarter century of marriage under our belts and it feels like it's only
been the blink of an eye.
Someone asked me the other day how old my children were. I said, "My daughter is 19 and my son is 22" and as I heard those words come out of my mouth, I was stunned. 22? My son? Not possible. And surely my daughter, my *baby*, can't be just a few months away from leaving her teen years. She's almost 20! No, I must have done the math wrong -- my babies can't possibly be that old.
My husband, on my birthday-eve, said to me, "Enjoy this next year. It's the last time, ever, you'll be able to say you're in your 40's." I am not squirrelly about my age -- I have no problem with the number. I'm 49 (as of yesterday!!) and I'm 100% fine with that. He knows that, and he wasn't being a jerk or being insensitive. But I was struck by the swiftness of the passing of time. Almost 50. Another decade gone. As with the 27+ years of marriage and the children who are unexpectedly in their 20's, it just surprised me.
I feel like, now that we are approaching our third decade of marriage and since I am on the cusp of 50, I should be wiser. I should have more answers. I should be more settled and secure. A friend from church is leading a study on marriage and she asked us if we'd participate. Her exact words were, "We are looking for some veterans of marriage to show us how it's done". Apparently other people also assume I have some answers. I don't! I feel like I went from 21 year old newlywed to 49 year old empty-nester in the blink of an eye. Honestly, I'm not sure how that happened.
I think certain events; milestone birthdays or anniversaries, the birth or death of a loved one, major celebrations or achievements, tend to make a person retrospective. It amuses me when 17 and 18 year olds get all contemplative upon their high school graduation -- I can't help but think, "Please. Your life is just beginning!" but then I wonder if, in decades to come, they are going to see 50 creeping up on them and they are going to wonder, "What happened? Where did the past 30 years go?"
Someone asked me the other day how old my children were. I said, "My daughter is 19 and my son is 22" and as I heard those words come out of my mouth, I was stunned. 22? My son? Not possible. And surely my daughter, my *baby*, can't be just a few months away from leaving her teen years. She's almost 20! No, I must have done the math wrong -- my babies can't possibly be that old.
My husband, on my birthday-eve, said to me, "Enjoy this next year. It's the last time, ever, you'll be able to say you're in your 40's." I am not squirrelly about my age -- I have no problem with the number. I'm 49 (as of yesterday!!) and I'm 100% fine with that. He knows that, and he wasn't being a jerk or being insensitive. But I was struck by the swiftness of the passing of time. Almost 50. Another decade gone. As with the 27+ years of marriage and the children who are unexpectedly in their 20's, it just surprised me.
I feel like, now that we are approaching our third decade of marriage and since I am on the cusp of 50, I should be wiser. I should have more answers. I should be more settled and secure. A friend from church is leading a study on marriage and she asked us if we'd participate. Her exact words were, "We are looking for some veterans of marriage to show us how it's done". Apparently other people also assume I have some answers. I don't! I feel like I went from 21 year old newlywed to 49 year old empty-nester in the blink of an eye. Honestly, I'm not sure how that happened.
I think certain events; milestone birthdays or anniversaries, the birth or death of a loved one, major celebrations or achievements, tend to make a person retrospective. It amuses me when 17 and 18 year olds get all contemplative upon their high school graduation -- I can't help but think, "Please. Your life is just beginning!" but then I wonder if, in decades to come, they are going to see 50 creeping up on them and they are going to wonder, "What happened? Where did the past 30 years go?"
I am excited to see what the next decade brings. I know, with certainty, it will bring joy and
sorrow. There will be love and laughter
as well as tears and anger. I hope it
brings new family members and I pray it doesn’t remove any loved ones from our
midst. I also hope that I take the time
to remember the events of life so that they don’t meld into one fast-moving
blur of memories.
Someone asked me about blogging (ha!) and I responded,
truthfully, that I blog just for fun. I
have no idea what I’m doing, and my audience is mainly (solely?) my family (and
not even all of them LOL; my own kids don’t bother to read my blog … apparently
they read the first few to make sure I wasn’t talking about them and since I
wasn’t mentioning them by name or sharing any personal details, they don’t bother
reading it any longer) and some of my friends.
I blog for me and I blog so that future generations who may stumble upon
this will know me as more than a name and dates carved on a headstone. I want them to know ME … my personality, my
thoughts, my musings. I also hope that
these blogs will serve to keep things clear and in perspective for me. I have a feeling that, if the past 30 years
just flew past, the next 30 years will go equally quickly. Wow.
Then I’ll be on the cusp of 80 and that is unimaginable to me … about as
unimaginable as being 50 was to the 20 year old me.
And even though my children don't read this blog, my husband does, so this is for him ... FYI, I wouldn't hate it if I woke up next year to find this in our front yard:
And even though my children don't read this blog, my husband does, so this is for him ... FYI, I wouldn't hate it if I woke up next year to find this in our front yard:
Trust me, every year from now on will go faster than the last, and by the time you're my age you're going to be wondering if you slept through a month or two, because it certainly can't be almost September already. Sometimes I almost wish I could go back to the time when Christmas and other special days -- my birthday and the last day of school come to mind -- and even the hours of the day passed at a snail's pace. Then again, waiting was never easy for me, so I guess I should be content with not having to do that anymore.
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