Raising the bar for being a Good Mother

Whoever keeps moving the bar for Mothering Standards needs to STOP.  When I was growing up, 230 years ago, it seemed the bar was pretty low:  we children were expected to go to school, respect our elders, eat our veggies and, as teenagers, don’t come home in the back of a patrol car or come home pregnant.  That was about it.

Then I had children and the bar was higher:  we didn’t just send our children to school, we had to “partner” with the teachers.  We had to be room mothers and PTA members to show that we were “invested” in our children’s education.  The backyard, piñata and WalMart cake birthday parties were substandard; we had to have “event” parties at “venues”.  When did Chuck E. Cheese become a “venue”?  Helicopter Parenting became a phrase and suddenly those of us who had no idea the rules changed were being told we were failing this parenting thing because we weren’t doing things that we didn’t even know we were supposed to do.

Now that I’m out of the baby / childrearing phase, I can be a little more detached.  I no longer feel the pressure to buy my children the perfect back-to-school wardrobe and I can look objectively at the blow-out birthday parties I see.  I am not (thank you, God) personally involved in the disposable vs cloth diaper debates, and I don’t worry about organic vs homemade baby food. 

Thanks to Pinterest, tho, I am seeing a new trend that freaks me out.  Not only apparently are moms today expected to pack their children’s lunches every day (which I did for one of mine who refused to eat cafeteria food) but they have to be nutritionally well balanced (which I agree with, but there ARE days when your child refuses to eat anything except waffles, so lunch was an Eggo that you toasted at 7:00 a.m. and a baggie full of Nilla Wafers and two graham crackers, because a 100% carb lunch is better than them eating no lunch at all … don’t judge until you’ve had a 6 year old who would barely eat in the first place …) but now the lunches have to also be visually appealing and cute.  There are websites and pins and posts that talk about how to make clever and crafty and creative lunches.  Because if the bread isn’t cut to look like a giraffe, you are a Parenting Fail.

 

 

Come on, world.  There is enough pressure on moms as it is.  We are judged on all sorts of stupid, irrational things.  We have to be SuperWomen, and raise perfect children while juggling careers and husbands.  We have to be Martha Stewart in the living room, Paula Deen in the kitchen and Heidi Klum in the bedroom. 

But when there are moms who are busy making Smithsonian worthy bento-boxes for their child’s lunches … wow.  That’s setting the bar kind of high. 

 

 

Chill out, ladies.  Relax, moms.  Take a breather, women.  We are OK.  We aren’t in competition with each other and, guess what?  If you don’t make palm trees out of bananas for your toddlers, they are still going to grow up just fine.  I promise.  And yes, there will always be *thatMom* who outshines you.  She will appear to be SuperMom and she will make you feel like you’re not succeeding … but I guarantee you, that SuperMom has her yoga-pants-and-no-bra days just like the rest of us.  OK, she may not wear that outfit to WalMart, but trust me, she HAS that outfit. 

Bento boxes for babies.  Seriously.  I am speechless.  I thought making my kids “fancy” pancakes (pour the batter in a cookie cutter) on the occasional Saturday morning was impressive.  I would have NEVER made it in the Pinterest-fueled Perfection Mom world that now exists. 

I see young moms at church.  I've had moms apologize to me (!) because they have a bottle of formula, not breast milk,  for their infant.  I've had moms spend several minutes explaining and justifying why they are using cloth or disposable diapers.  I've seen moms come into the nursery and see another child ask, "Do you think it's OK that my baby is older than that baby, but my baby is smaller?"  I just want to hug these moms, tell them they're doing just fine ... and remind them to breathe.  And NOT look at Pinterest.

I am at the point in my life where I feel obligated to give advice ... so to the young moms out there, I want to say, "You're OK.  You're doing a good job.  Don't compare yourself to SuperMom, because SuperMom is a facade.  She's got her eggos-for-dinner moments and I promise you, she owns a pair of yoga pants just like you do".

To the older moms, I want to say,"We survived!  We raised our children and we know what we did right and what we did wrong.  Give a supportive word of encouragment to that young mom you see. Let her know that the I-dressed-myself outfit her three year old is wearing (cowboy boots and a tutu) is adorable and just let her know you think she's doing a great job."

I love Pinterest.  Don't get me wrong.  But please, young moms, don't base your idea of "Good Mom" on what you see on Pinterest.  Sometimes, a baggie of graham crackers *is* the definition of Good Mom.  And in my opinion, a three year old in cowboy boots and a tutu is more adorable than the uber-coordinated "dress/socks/hairbow" look. 

Hang in there, moms.  You're doing a great job.  I promise.  Breathe.  Relax.  And don't judge yourself based on Pinterest or the fictitious SuperMom.