When GameBoys first came out, my son was about 5. He wanted a GameBoy worst than just about anything. We didn't buy him one and he was heart-broken. All he wanted was a GameBoy. One day, we went to visit a friend of the family ... the mom was a friend of mine and they had a boy about the same age as my son. When we got there, the son was eager to show my son his new GameBoy he had just gotten from his daddy. The boys ran off to play, and the mom started talking to me ... her husband had always been emotionally, verbally and sexually abusive, but this time, it went further than it ever had, and he pushed her down the stairs and then, as she lay at the bottom of the stairs, he threw a lamp at her head. Their son saw it all. Dad then told the boy, "If you tell everyone that Mommy fell all by herself, I'll buy you a GameBoy." The boy agreed and now mom had a sprained shoulder, a mild concussion and the son had a GameBoy.
The whole car ride home, my son kept saying, "I wish I had a GameBoy" "So-and-So is so lucky that HE has a GameBoy" "I wish I had a GameBoy" "I wish I could be like So-and-So" and all I could think was, "Oh, no, son, if you KNEW the back-story behind that GameBoy, you'd not want one. You ought to be grateful you don't have the GameBoy" ... but since my son didn't see the big picture, didn't know the whole story, he was basing his response on what he perceived to be the truth.
That story has become code in our family ... when we see someone *seemingly* getting something wonderful, and jealous and envy starts to rear its ugly head, one of us will say, "You don't know; maybe that's their GameBoy" ... and it helps us to remember that what we see on the surface isn't necessarily the whole story.
Social media has often been that way; people posting all about their wonderful new cars, their beautiful new houses, their amazing shopping trips, their breathtaking vacations, their overachieving children ... the list goes on and on. I've been able to remind myself that this may be their GameBoy and that unless I know the whole picture, I have no right to judge or feel envy or anything else. I need to celebrate their (shared) happiness and be grateful that they have these moments they can enjoy.
For the most part, that has worked well for me. I love my house, I love my family, I have a car to drive, food to eat, clothes to wear, I have a job to go to and I have a little money in the bank. We are able to get away every so often and we have friends and family who make us feel loved and included. All in all, it's a good life and I'm content. I will admit there are times I see things on Facebook that make me want to whine and say, "But that's not FAIR, I want a (fill in the blank), too!" but those moments are, blessedly, rare and short-lived.
Lately, tho, I've seen such an ugly side of social media. Where it used to be a chance for old friends to reconnect, for geographically-distant relatives to share pictures of children, for old classmates to touch base, it's now become a place for people to spew ugliness and hatred and anger. It's become a place of discordance and strife and small-mindedness. I see no compassion, no love, no tenderness, no attempt at understanding ... just anonymous people sitting behind the relative safety of their computer screens, spewing vile and venom.
When a horrific event happens, rather than people saying, "I'm so sorry, my prayers (or good thoughts) are with the grief-stricken parents", people tend to get all judgmental and sanctimonious ... "My child would NEVER ..." or "I, as a parent, would NEVER ..."
It's not just judgmental parenting comments. Politics and social issues have always been contentious, but like my beloved Husband says, "There is no civil discourse any more". Rather than discuss IDEAS, people just post angry memes making fun of those who disagree with them. How does name-calling or belittling someone lead to a true discussion of ideas? If I believe A, and you believe B, and I want you to come to my way of thinking, I need to be able to explain A to you in a lucid and coherent way as well as I need to be able to understand why you believe B. We need to find common ground and then I need to, lovingly and kindly, explain my beliefs as to why A is correct. Ah, but that's too hard. I think I'll just post an angry meme making fun of B-Thinkers.
A few weeks ago, I decided that I had enough. I needed to detox. I didn't do a big "I'm leaving Facebook ... " post because those (in my humble opinion) are nothing more than people trolling for attention ... "Oh Sandra, you're so wonderful, we love you so much, please don't leave Facebook" ... yeah, no, I'm not about that. And I didn't leave Facebook, I just backed off. Considerably. I still posted ... I posted about how my Beloved Husband got flocked for Father's Day (which is a post for another time!) but instead of, every time I logged on, going to Facebook and getting upset, I deliberately and intentionally stayed away.
And you know what? I felt better. I felt more content, I felt less agitated and angry. I still watched the news, I still read the paper, I still got my "breaking news updates"; I went to other websites and message boards where I have friends (good friends, sisters-of-my-heart friends) and I texted and emailed my heart out LOL, but I stayed off the cesspool of anger and vitriol that has become my Facebook feed.
And it was good.
I wish Facebook was what it was years ago, when I started, but it's not. And I can't change it, but I can limit my exposure to it. I have learned that I need to surround myself with good, positive thoughts and people and things (Phillipians 4:8) and I need to be aware of the negativity that creeps into my day and I need to root that out where I can.
And when I see people being hateful and bitter and judgmental and lacking compassion and empathy -- I just need to remember that this may be their GameBoy and unless I know the whole story, I need to show THEM grace and mercy and try to understand why they are approaching the world from a place of judgment and condemnation and anger.
And post more pictures of Pooh Bear to offset their hostility. :)
Like the Beatles (or somebody) sang, all you need is Pooh!
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