Is it just me?

Yesterday, we were driving and we saw a car pull out of the gas station.  The gas cap was off their tank, and the cap was dangling loose.  It was raining, and Hubby and I knew that if water got into his tank, he'd have major issues so at the red light, he honked the horn and I motioned for the driver to roll down his window.  The driver looked at me like I was nuts.  I kept motioning for him to roll down his window and finally, with great hesitation, he did.  I said, "Your gas cap is off!" and you could see the relief wash over him.  "Oh, thank you!" he said.  I rolled up the window and we laughed ... he obviously thought I was a psycho and he truly debated if he should roll down his window or not.  We smugly made fun of him for being so cynical and paranoid, because of course, we would never behave the same way.

Except ...

The week before, we were in Kansas visiting our son and his wife.  We had pulled into a gas station and Hubby was pumping gas.  A car pulled up next to him and the driver rolled his window down and said something to Hubby.  I immediately grabbed my phone (to call 911, I suppose) and I rolled my window down to hear what was being said.  The driver pointed to the front of my car (which was sporting a red, Rudolph nose) and laughingly said, "Did you hit Rudolph?" My husband said, "Yeah, I guess I did" and the two exchanged a laugh and the other guy drove away.  When he got back in the car, I said, "What was THAT all about?" and he gave me a quizzical look ... "Just some guy being friendly."

"But what did he WANT?"

"Nothing.  He was just being friendly."

Really?  Just making idle chit-chat at a gas station about a Rudolph nose?  And that's not strange to anyone?

My cynicism has long roots, tho.  Several years ago, we were in Kentucky looking for the small cemetery in which his maternal grandparents were buried.  It's a fairly small cemetery up in the hills of rural Kentucky.  GPS was of no use and Siri couldn't even find our location, much less the location of a cemetery whose name we weren't sure of.  We drove around the area he thought it was, but we had no luck finding the church or the cemetery.  We finally came across a small country store, so he went in and asked the owner if they knew where Such-and-Such Cemetery was.  The owner said he hadn't heard of it, but a customer in the store, a kid who looked like he was still in high school, said "Oh, I know where that is.  You'll never find it on your own; follow me, tho, and I'll take you there."  Hubby said, "Great, thanks" and off we went.  I kept saying, "Wait.  Wait.  We're following a COMPLETE AND TOTAL STRANGER off into the hills of Kentucky, no one knows where we are, we can't even get a cell signal, we don't know this kid from Adam, yet we are going to follow him down some sketchy, iffy country roads to an unknown destination?  Wait, wait ... this is OK with you?"

Apparently that's how folks are back in SmallTown Kentucky, because yes, Hubby was fine with the idea of following a COMPLETE AND TOTAL STRANGER off into the hills of rural Kentucky.

And guess what?  The kid took us right to the cemetery (which we would, indeed, have NEVER found on our own).  He stopped, said his grandma was buried here, that's why he knew the location, he paid his respects to his grandma, asked us if we needed him to lead us back to the main road (we said "no, but thank you") and he went on his way.

Yeah, a nice young kid doing a nice deed for some strangers.  He even stopped and paid his respects to his grandma.

I felt so jaded, so cynical ... so ugly.

Yet, a few years later, when a stranger at a gas station in Kansas made idle chit-chat, I assumed the worst and grabbed for my cell phone.

And when I tried to do a good deed by telling a stranger his gas cap was off, he assumed the worst about me.

I hate to think we, as a society, are so jaded and cynical and bitter that we automatically assume the worst about our fellow man, and I still think that following a complete and total stranger into the hills of rural Kentucky was a questionable decision, but I can't see where being asked to roll down your car window should have been that fear-inducing.  I'm not that terrifying, I promise.  

I wonder if Gas-Cap Guy would have followed Random Stranger to that cemetery.  Probably not.  Then again, I can't believe we did!  

New Year's Day

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Ah, January 1st ... so shiny, so new, so full of promise and hope!  How many people woke up today and thought, "This is it!  This is the year I'm going to (fill in the blank ...)"  For me, that blank seems to remain stubbornly the same year after year after year.  I'm still going to lose weight, exercise more, be more loving and kind to my familly, be more generous and giving to my friends, take care of my health, get my finances in order, clean that closet, organize my kitchen, pray every day, take every Bible Study my church offers, journal daily ... etc.

And by February (and that's being generous!) I've broken every single one of those "resolutions".  

Tough way to face a new year, by being a failure and a quitter when you're only 1/12th of the way into the year.

Many, many years ago, I quit making New Year's Resolutions.  I felt pretty self-righteous about that; now I can't fail because I've set no goals.  But my mind still wanders to "But it's a new year and ..." 

This past week, I've been giving a lot of thought to two big burdens on my heart; one is personal and one is for loved ones.  Both are situations that I, in my mere mortalness, cannot "fix".  The personal one, my husband and I have spent at least 5 years trying to "fix" and, to be honest, we are no closer to the solution than we were 5 years ago.  The other situation is between members of my extended family; there is NOTHING I can say or do to "fix" it, they need to -- on their own -- come to see the need for change.  

Both of these situations are weighing heavily on my heart and on my soul and both are situations that I cannot do anything about.  It's not a case of willpower or motivation or desire on my part.  I want ... NEED ... these two situations to be resolved.  

So my "resolution" for 2015 is to be deliberate and intentional and specific in my prayer life for these two requests.  

I'll be honest; I've not really prayed about either situation.  The personal one, I feel like we got ourselves INTO this situation and we need to get ourselves OUT of this situation (I know, I know ... feel free to roll your eyes, I've rolled my own at myself enough times) and the family situation, I've not really prayed about because I sort of have picked sides myself and I find myself getting angry with the party I see as "in the wrong".  

I'm not really sure how to even pray about these two situations; but I also know I can't "fix" either on my own.  

So that's my goal for 2015:  to be deliberate and intentional and specific in my prayer life this year concerning these two situations.  I don't know how God will answer, but I trust He will.  I also hope I have my heart open enough that I can hear Him when He answers.