Starfish Heroes

 

 

I was watching TV the other day, and the host of the show was surprising a woman with life-changing gifts:  cash, kitchen appliances, a new car, etc.  As each new gift was revealed, the woman wept with emotion.  Her life was truly impacted by these gifts.  I was reminded of the lottery winners who, when asked what the first thing they were going to, reply ‘Buy my mom a house’ or ‘Make sure my little brother goes to college’ … a huge, life-changing gesture.

In my (almost) 49 years on this planet, I’ve yet to be in the position of giving someone such an extravagant, life-changing gift.  I’ve never given a car to anyone (even my own children – sorry, baby!) and I’ve certainly never given anyone $20,000 or paid off anyone’s mortgage.  I also realize I will probably never be able to make a magnanimous gesture of that scale. 

I used to think that unless a kindness was of a life-altering level, it wasn’t really a big deal.  I devalued and discounted the kindnesses I was capable of, because they weren’t Oprah-level or lottery-winner-buys-mom-a-house sized blessings.

Then God made me aware of the “small” blessings I’ve experienced:  a meal was delivered to my family when I was recovering from surgery.  A car was loaned to us when ours was totaled in an accident and the insurance company was balking at paying.  A friend offered to babysit overnight when my husband was out of town and I was overwhelmed with two toddlers.  A gift card to the grocery store was mailed anonymously to our house when we were going through a financial rough spot.  The impact of those gestures was, indeed, life-changing.  Not on a “We’re paying off your mortgage and giving you a new car!” level, but on a personal, intimate level.  It’s humbling to have to accept a $50 Kroger gift card, but it’s an amazing feeling to know that someone cared enough to do that, and they loved us enough to do it anonymously so that we wouldn’t feel uncomfortable in their presence.  (That was 20 years ago, and I still don’t know who it was … if you’re reading this, please know that gesture was appreciated!)

I still struggle with the idea that my little gestures can have any impact.  That little voice of doubt and self-loathing gets loud sometimes.  (“Don’t flatter yourself, Sandra; it’s just a chicken casserole.  It’s not like you’re buying them a new car.”)  But then I’m reminded of how much that chicken casserole meant to me when I was the recipient, and I remember how it was so much MORE than “just” a chicken casserole.  It was a feeling of being connected, of knowing someone cared.  It was a gesture from the heart, and those are truly priceless.

The ones that really get to me are the gestures that you don’t even REMEMBER that had an impact on someone’s life.  When my daughter (now 19) was a newborn, we started attending church.  We walked in to a new church for the first time ever and I brought my six-week-old baby to the nursery.  I was introduced to the woman who was on nursery duty and she said she worked during the Sunday School hour; that for the church hour, someone else would be there.  When church ended and we went back to get her, the same lady was there.  Our baby was asleep in her arms and she said she didn’t want to wake her, so she just stayed in the nursery through the church service so that the baby could sleep.  She didn’t even know us, she certainly didn’t know our daughter, we were newcomers to the church … but she loved my baby that much that she sat in the nursery, holding a baby for over 3 hours.  I knew at that point, that was the church for us.  It was that church, those people, who showed me who God was, what love was, and it was in that nurturing, loving environment that I came to be saved.  Had it not been for Julie’s loving my child those three hours, I don’t know that I’d have made Hillendale my church home.  Literally, Julie’s holding my child was a life-changing event in my life.  Years later, I mentioned it to Julie and she had no idea what I was talking about.  She had no concept that, one Sunday, 10 years earlier, she had fundamentally changed my life. 

On the other side, I had a friend who had been through some struggles in her late teen years.  I was about 15 years older than she was, and I watched her make poor decisions, but I didn’t know what to say to get her to see the consequences of her actions.  Many, many years later (maybe 15 years), she told me how grateful she was to me for always being kind to her when she was younger, and how she appreciated how I always treated her with kindness and love.  She said she felt judgment and condemnation from others, but never from me and she was eternally grateful to me for being so supportive of her when she was going through her struggles.  I was floored.  I never knew that she felt such kindness from me – I was just being me. 

Lately, I’ve been aware of all the little blessings in my life:  I got a thank you note in the mail from someone that said the sweetest things; I got a hug at Kroger from a woman who wanted to thank me for raising a Soldier; I had someone tell me that they always enjoyed my Facebook posts;  I invited myself over to a friend’s house for dinner and they eagerly agreed, and we had the best time (and I made a trifle that actually turned out LOL!) … little gestures that the giver may not even realize had an impact on me, but they all did. 

It’s like that story about the man who found thousands of washed-up starfish on the beach one morning.  He was throwing  them, one by one, back into the water.  A passerby asked him why he was bothering, he couldn’t possibly make a difference with the thousands of starfish on the shore.  The man replied, “No, but it makes a difference to this one starfish.” 

So yeah, while I’d like to be able to buy someone a car, or pay off their mortgage, or other huge gesture, that’s not gonna happen.  But I will run across starfish in my day, and I can make a difference to that one starfish. 

And if anyone is feeling like their starfish-gestures aren’t being noticed or appreciated, I would like to suggest that they are.  Those of us who are on the receiving end of those hugs, those kind words, those chicken casseroles, those anonymous gift cards are truly moved.  Sometimes, holding that sleeping baby can be the thing that literally changes someone’s life.

Keep on, my friends.  Keep on loving those babies.   Keep on giving hugs in Kroger.  Keep on sending a “thinking of you” card or sending a “Hi, how are you” text message to someone you’ve not seen around for a while.

Speaking as a starfish, I can say with certainty that those “little” gestures can be huge.  I will never forget Julie holding my sleeping Michelle; nor will I ever forget being handed car keys and being told, “Keep it until the insurance company gets things straightened out.”  And the … relief … of being told, “Bring me those babies.  I’ll bathe ‘em, feed ‘em, and put ‘em to bed.  You can pick them up in the morning.”   And when you tell someone, “How about us getting together soon?” and they reply with, “Yes!  Yes!  Yes!  How about this Friday?  Our house?  I’ll cook.”

Little gestures.  Starfish gestures.  Life changing gestures.

So I’m not Oprah.  I’m not Ellen.  I’m not a “buy my momma a house” lottery winner.  But to that one starfish, I am.

And to all of you who have been starfish-heros in my life, thank you.

Your gestures are HUGE in my eyes and even if you don’t realize it, I do. 

My prayer is that I may be a starfish-hero to someone else, in the same way that so many people have been starfish-heroes to me. 

You starfish-heroes are precious to me, and the kindnesses you’ve shown me and my family are not forgotten, even if you don’t know you’ve been a starfish-hero to me.