God's Penguins

It’s amazing how, in the span of a few hours, I can go from sheer joy to flat-out blinding rage.

My son has been in Africa for a month now.  Skype has been amazingly uncooperative.  Either we’d have an audio connection but no video connection, or we’d have a static-filled audio connection and a frozen video connection, or we’d get disconnected after a few seconds.  If there was a simultaneous video and audio connection, there would be such a lag it was like watching a badly dubbed 1970’s era Japanese Godzilla movie.  The majority of conversations I’ve had with my son have been over  Facebook Chat, and that was based on the integrity of his internet strength, which is questionable at times.  This morning, my phone buzzed to let me know I had a Skype call.  I was expecting a blank screen and a static “Hi Mom” but to my great joy, I saw his face (and oh!  What a face!  I love that face!) and heard his voice … in sync with the picture … and we were able to Skype for almost an hour.  It was amazing!!  We laughed, we talked, we had a wonderful conversation.  It left me in a great mood – better than great – and on that high note, I left the house to run errands.  My first stop was the bank. 

Near the first of the year, this was all over Facebook:

 

The gist of it is simple:  Week 1 you put $1.00 in a jar.  Week 2, it’s $2.  By Week 52, you’ll have $1,378.00 saved.  We both thought that was a great idea for Christmas.  We happened to have a glass pickle jar that I had soaked the label off of, and had washed it out and was saving it for some unknown purpose (but couldn’t throw it away as it was a perfectly good pickle jar!) so that became our savings jar.  We were quite diligent about putting money in each Friday but then, being us, we got lazy.  It started when I needed to pay the yard guys and I couldn’t find my checkbook, and I already owed them one week so I didn’t want to ask them to wait AGAIN,  so I *borrowed* $50 out of the pickle jar.  Then that next Friday (Week 20) we forgot.  The next Friday (Week 21), he asked me, “Did we put last week’s money in there?” and I said, “No, and we never put back in the $50 I borrowed”, so now we were up to $91 ($50 + $20 + $21).  We intended to go to the bank, truly we did … but forgot.  Today is Week 22 ($113) so this morning I went to the ATM to get out $120.  Once the transaction was complete, it gave me my receipt and told me to lift the plastic cover and take my money out of the window.  Except that no money ever was spit into the window and the cover never opened.  I waited, I wiggled the plastic cover, I banged on the machine … nothing.  No money.  I immediately went into the branch and told them, and their response was a very cavalier and nonchalant, “Well, we’ll see if at the end of the day our ATM is $120 over.  If it is, we’ll refund you the money.”  I said, “But what if the dude behind me was getting $10 and instead, he got HIS $10 and my $120?  Then your machine will balance, he’ll have scored an extra $120 and I’m out of luck”.   The manager told me that they could open an investigation, but it would be 3-5 business days before they had to resolve it.  I didn’t get the impression they were all that worried, but why should they be?  They’re not out any money.  I am.  So the poor pickle jar sits, still waiting for me to put in $113 (and at this rate, I’ll owe another $23 before I get the $113 in there!) and I am working myself up into a state.  I just don’t trust Corporate America to do the right thing and as it’ll be awfully hard for me to prove I didn’t get my money, I’m afraid it’ll be my word against theirs.  I didn’t even finish running my errands, I was SO upset at the bank that I couldn’t think straight.

All this, before noon.

I left the house on an amazing high and came home so mad that I could spit nails.

I’ve already accepted the fact that the bank is probably going to screw me out of $120 – the bank who owns the ATM isn’t my “home” bank, I’m not a customer of theirs, so they have no incentive to keep me happy.  I hope I’m wrong, but I’m old enough and cynical enough to know how this piece of bread is gonna be buttered.

Why is it that a good feeling can wear off so quickly, but a bad feeling can stick with us all day?  I suppose there is some deep Spiritual insight that I could (should) get out of this, but I’m not gonna lie.  I’m mad and I want my $120 and I don’t want to learn a Life Lesson from this.  I don’t want to grow, or become more spiritually mature or anything else.  I just want my stinkin’ money. 

And I want my son home from Africa.

And if he can’t come home, I want a RELIABLE Skype / internet experience so that I can at least maintain a reliable connection to him.

And I want the four boxes I sent him to arrive.

And I want to know that we are going to be able to afford the next three years of college for my daughter.

And I want my dog to live forever and not get old and sick and eventually go to Rainbow Bridge.

And I want my knee to stop hurting.  Surgery was in February.  This is almost June.  Enough already.

I want a whole day where I don't worry about money, or my children's safety or the health and well-being of my loved ones.  I want a whole day where I can have something good and wonderful happen and that feeling lasts.

Just yesterday, I told a friend of mine this story:

I heard Luci Swindoll speak at a WOF conference once and she shared about her adventure to Antarctica. She is a photographer and had asked God to send a whale her way so she could photograph it. And she just knew she would see one. Toward the end of her trip, she was on the boat and wondering why she hadn't seen a whale. She was so sad because she wanted to see this beautiful, epic creature of God. About that time she noticed a couple penguins on a glacier. Then more and more. She said there were hundreds of them, playing and performing. It's as if they had been waiting for her to come and were posing for her. How fun and amazing that must have been!! What a sight to see!!

God told her she was so busy looking for the whale, that she almost missed the penguins He sent.

Today, you saw some of God's penguins.

Deep down, when all is said and done, that's what I want.  I want to see God's penguins.

I just don't want it to cost me $120 to see them.